Why?

How can you be with one person but yet your heart is with another? And how can you be with this person even after knowing that his heart is not with you? Sigh.. love is so blind, so so blind that one is even willing to be in relationship - a not happy relationship just so as they do not have to go through the process of break-ups or being alone.

I really would not know how I will react if I were in this situation. But logically now, I would say that if is me, I would leave. Even if it means that the breakup will be shattering, or that I would be alone, I would rather be alone than being in a relationship and not being happy. I think, the most important thing in life is to be happy. Even if you have to be alone to be happy, so be it.

Sometimes the fear of heartaches, of loneliness, forces a person to dwell in a situation which they know is rather hopeless. But yet, they are in this loop where they can't see the way out. They sometimes go in circles and telling themselves that they will improve, they will change and they will be better. But yet, they are still in the same loop.

The loop never change. It is just a question of how you walk the journey in this loop. Perhaps, in the past, you have been walking around the loop, perhaps now is time to not just walk, but jump? run? crawl? But yet again, the loop is still the same.

It takes great courage to let go. Sometimes when you start to let go, you will perhaps see things in a better and clearer perspective.. and possibly a happier perspective.

MOS - What a waste

I just came back from Euphoria, MOS - Ministry of Sound. I felt like I just wasted my night. An event which was suppose to be something related to cars, turned out to be just a normal clubbing event. But well, it also get me thinking that, I am really too old for this shit. Sigh....

Music just does not go well with me and I really do not comprehend the kind of music they played. And yes, a lot of these youngsters are into this jump and hop kinda dance step. Is kinda cool actually but well, like I say, I am way off that era. But hey! I am not that old! Haha!

Anyway, I do not like this Euphoria place. Is too dark, music is too loud with gigantic speakers. Now there is this deafness in my ears. Making a conversation in these kinda of places is almost impossible. So this is not really suitable if you want to make friends or mingle around. Like I say, I felt like I just wasted my night and not to mention the money that hubby have to spend on the drink.

Confrontation

Confrontation? I don't really like them. But it is something that has to be done so as the other party would understand (you hope). It may not necessary ends well nor bad. It could create resentment but there is also a possibility of a better understanding.

I find myself asking, is there a need for the confrontation. Would it make a difference? Would it solve the problem? I really do not know...

For the both of them

It was said that first love is the most meaningful. I do not quite agree with this statement. To me, every love is different and it does not necessarily means first love is the best. A friend who have had problem with his partner felt that the past years that they were together has been meaningless. It is actually not so. Past relationships is an experience where mistakes are learnt, sweet memories are kept and not so fond memories pushes us to be strong.

I always believe that there is a reason for things to happen and a break up or a separation may not necessary be bad. I believe that there is reconciliation to separation and there is the possibility of a new beginning to an end. I believe that the decision we take determines our life journey.

I do understand how painful it must be for this friend of mine right now. The pain is still intense, so much so that it is difficult to think rationally. In the midst of the pain she can only see an end. There is actually a new beginning. I pray she will be able to see that and I pray that her prayers to what she wants and seek will come true. I pray for not only her happiness but also for his happiness.

Web of ??

How do you untangle a tangled web? Almost impossible? The irony is sometimes we get so tangled in a situation, we just do not realised it. Only when we are trapped, we start to look for answers. Most of the time, in the mess that we are in, we just want to give up. It is just too complicated.

So how do you untangle a tangled web? You just need to get to the root of it all. To the root of where it begins....

Ego & Friendship

Ego the biggest word that kills most things in life. It kills friendship, it forsake relationships. I have seen so many people with ego bigger than their heads. Yes, is normal to have an ego for to a certain extent, ego pushes you forward, to excel. However, ego that is not controlled is destructive.

Because of ego, painful words are uttered. Because of ego, one acts foolishly and stupidly. Because of ego, one forsake friendship. I have always believed that it is better to have few good friends than having lots of foolish egoistic friends. Thus, I do not trust people that easily. I also believe that friends are a passing phase. They come and go and only true friends will stay true to the heart.

Good riddance to egoistic foolish so call "friends". Thou shall just remain as a passing acquaintance.

Emptiness

Mom and Dad has been here for holidays for a week now. I have been enjoying mom's good home cook food. I can't help but feeling that I will be missing them terribly when they go back on Monday. Now that I am not staying with mom and dad, I appreciate them more than I used to. Is a blessing to have them around. So there is this sadness thinking that they will be going back in 2 days time.. sigh...

Changes

Changes in life is inevitable. Life IS a constant change. A normal reaction of most people is always to resist change. But if the change is good, we should embrace it.

I for one, do not believe in changing people nor allowing others to change me. Having said that, it does not mean that I would not change myself for betterment. I simply believe that changes can only happen if you allow it to happen - it has to be one's free will. We cannot force a person to be the person that we want. I for one, do not think is right for us to dictate how one should and should not behave. We can voice but we cannot impose.

I believe if everyone would accept the way that the person is, then only would change comes in voluntarily.

Singapore

Is been ages since I last went to Singapore. I would say almost 20 years ago. My last trip there was for a medical examination where I passed the interview of becoming a nurse in Singapore GH. I came back without taking up the position.

Yesterday I made a day trip to Singapore for business. It was well... disappointing. When I arrived at Changi airport, I got into queue among with other visitors. Somehow, there were a lot of Indian nationality in queue. An officer went round to check on the imigration card - to affirm if the guests have fill up the form. A group of Indian visitors who did not were immediately asked to leave the queue. Another officer checked one visitor who have partially filled the form. With such rudeness, the officer raised his voice and scolded the poor visitor. It was downright rude and I was surprised. This happen in the airport, the very first place that I touched down. Pure practice of racism can be seen for they were just targetting the Indian nationality.

Even as I was boarding a taxi from Orchard Road to the airport later in the afternoon, I was carrying a big bag on wheels. What surprised me was the taxi driver did not even open the boot or come out of his taxi to help. When I boarded a taxi back here in KLIA, our taxi driver actually popped up the boot open, came out and carried my heavy bag.

I will be making another trip to Singapore in July and I hope it would not be as dissappointing as this trip. The place failed to impress me. I found our shopping centres surpassed the ones they have in Orchard Road. Infact, I think our own Bukit Bintang is more interesting than Orchard Road. Not mentioning our glorified KLIA is way more impressive. Of course, Changi airport is old but coupled with rude staffs.. now that is a major turn off for the visitors.

Penang Trip

Normally penang trip would just be a trip back home to see my families. This time round, it is really a sightseeing trip. On the 1st of May, we went back to Penang with our SS brothers and sisters. What I trip I would say. Reminds me of the Rotaract days when we were the host and took our guests for sightseeing.

Fort Cornwallis

Khoo Kongsi

Penang Hill

Is been years since I went up to Penang hill, Kek Lok Si or visited Fort Cornwallis. I hardly make it a point to savour Penang food when I went back since mom's food would be what I crave for. But this time round, there were loads of Penang hawker food. Is most enjoyable to be spending time with my newly found brothers and sisters. Looking forward for more trips!

Pondering...

Life is short, time passes fast, we get old each day and we can never get back our youth. The question is, have you live your life to the fullest? Sometimes, I feel like I started slow in life, especially when I feel like I have so much to do, to accomplish. But the truth is, there are different moments at different point in our life, we just need to embrace it, treasure it and learn from every life experience.

Time is precious - somehow, this makes so much more sense now than I was younger. Well, I guess age is catching up, too much thinking... :)

Susan Boyle

I am bowled over by Susan Boyle. It is amazing to see such talent. Looking at her, she is just like an ordinary lady age 47, from a small town in Scotland. When she walked on the stage, saying that she is trying to be a famous singer, everyone - the audience and the judges - sneered at her. That is what I am ashamed of. The irony that most of us do judge people around us. Most of us think that we are good enough and that anyone else is not as good.

When the music started, some audience closed their mouth - the reaction of embarrasement, as if Susan will make a fool of herself. Susan started to sing and everyone jaw dropped. She just got the most amazing voice. Even Simon Cowell has a disbelief face on him.

Yes, Susan got a standing ovation from the crowd, including the judges. At the end 0f her song, she has the most thunderous applause ever. I like what one of the judges said, Amanda, "I am so thrilled cos i know that everybody was against you. I honestly think we were all being cynical and that is the biggest wake up call ever. And I just want to say is a complete privilege to listen to you".

Susan Boyle BGT Audition

Leeches

I "accidently" went jungle trekking last Sunday. It was supposed to be a casual relaxing trip in Bukit Cherakah with some photo sessions. However, Scott suggested to trek in to where there was supposedly a beautiful dam. The trekking was supposed to be 15 minutes. - but it took us about an hour to reach.

What I was afraid of was the leeches. I have never been bitten by a leech. I have never really seen a leech. As we were progressing along the trip, Jaymee spotted some leech on her jeans. Looking at the leech, it was just a small little worm-like thing. I does not scare me.

So as we trek along, it was raining. All of us were drenched, the path were blocked by branches here and there and at some point, we have to climb up and climb down some slopes. Walking along, I even hit a tree branch full of thorns (which I later found a 5mm thorn embedded in my head - it was removed with a tweezer).

Anyway, as we reached I decided to check my legs for leeches. That is where I got the biggest shock - I have never scream this loud. I found the fattest leech - obviously full after sucking my blood. I screamed on top of my lungs. A friend helped me to removed 4 leeches from my leg as I continued screaming. Gosh - it really freaked me out.

Well - is was an experience I would say - and one that would leave me cautious everytime I jungle trek. The bleeding took hours to stop. There are 4 marks on my leg now and I hope it heal fast.

Intoxicated Coffee

That's it! I am totally going to stay away from coffee. I can't believe I got drunk drinking coffee.

Well I was a coffee drinker. Infact, I love black coffee during my younger days (yea.. getting older now). My aunty used to call me names "Or Nya" which means "black girl", simply because I like to drink black coffee.. just like my dad.

Just about 2 years ago, I had palpitations which was caused by continuous night of drinking coffee at Old Town Kopitiam. After the experience, I stopped drinking for a long long time. I had my glass of coffee last night at Wong Kok. Just about an hour later, I started to have funny feeling of giddiness and nausea. I came back feeling sick. I had a sleepless night as a sick feeling overwhelmed me. Is like my blood is filled up with caffeine and is driving me nuts!

Anyway - no more coffee for me - I will just stick to chocolate drinks or plain water...

Doggie the stray

I was this close to owning a dog, a shitzu the other day. Someone had to give up his dog after meeting his new girlfriend who somewhat is not into dog. So the situation arises where he has to choose between the dog or the girl. He opt for the girl. I was this close to adopting the dog. But I did not. I gathered that I will not be able to spend so much time with the dog and it would be.. injustice.

Just now, as I was stepping out of the car heading to a mamak stall, I saw a stray dog, kneeling in front of a table where 3 girls were sitting. Doggie was hungry but what broke my heart was seeing doggie crippled. The poor thing lost one of its leg. I think the injury is quite recent for the wound still shows. I feel so sad.

There and then, I wish I had a stronger determination to bring doggie home, to nurse it, feed it and care for it. This is my heart's desire but I do not have the determination to do it. I am angry at myself. I felt that I could have make a difference to doggie but I did not do it.

I can see that doggie is afraid of human but yet, he sat there afar, quietly begging for food. I can still see its eyes in my mind. After a while, my friends, Sue, Caryss and Winnie did the most blessed thing - they went to buy dog food for doggie. Bless them for at least doggie can sleep well tonight.

I pray doggie will find its happiness.

Upside down

My sleeping hours are upside down. Have difficulty waking up in the morning. Tired. At night I sleep late. I got back from work just now and took a nap. I was dead tired. Now is 2am and I am wide awake. Tomorrow I will have difficulty waking up again. Sigh....

Tomorrow will be better

She is like a walking zombie. Her soul are torn apart. The problem lies in her. She has to wake up and realise the situation. She needs to get out and see the whole situation in a different perspective. Now, she is just blinded.. blinded into depression. She sees the whole situation as an end. Her doors are closed but in actual fact, she only need to realise that there is a bright path waiting for her. All she need to do is make a decision. Nobody else can make that decision for her. She has to be strong and she need to pull through this situation.

Know that tomorrow will come and tomorrow will be a better day. Whatever difficult situation you may be right now, know that it will end. Just as how people say, good things will come to an end, do know that so will bad things. We just need to be positive and see things in a different perspective.

I pray that she gets out of this.

Lucky or unlucky?

I started my year oddly this year. Just 4 days before CNY, I twisted my neck. The oddest thing is I twisted it while walking in the office. Weird. A sudden twist had me in pain and in less than few hours, my head was tilted to one side. I went to the hospital for a jab - right at my ass. Powerful jab I would say as it healed quite fast. I was determined to get well before CNY.

On the 5th day of CNY, I fell like a "cempedak" in Teluk Chempedak, Kuantan. It all happened as I mistook a step for a slope. As I was admiring the beach, I fell, much to an agony of pain. My ankle swelled almost immediately for I sat on the same spot I fell for more than half and hour. Hubby could not save me for I "dropped" almost without a sound. The only sound that came out was cries of pain.

This time, I was not that lucky for the swell was quite bad. I visited the hospital again for an x-ray. No broken bones - thank god. I had to rest for a week at home as doctor advise against walking too much. After a week's rest, my ankle healed almost immediately. Now is blue black, but at least I am not limping anymore.

So much has happen. Some said it could be worst. I guess they are right. Perhaps is the nature's way of saying that I should learn to take things slowly and to look before I leap.

Meow Mi the cat

If I had a pet, it would starve to death.. well, I would not do it deliberately of course but I would probably be too busy and would forgot to feed the poor thing...

Recently, I accidently adopted a cat which belongs to my main tenant's maid. When my main tenant moved out, 3 cats belonging to the maid was adopted by another family, except for one poor cat who has been sick. This cat, which I have since named her as "Meow Mi" has been sick for quite a while. She is thinner than normal and is fussy with food. She would not eat the ready cat biscuits. The maid used to boil some fishes for Meow Mi and it seems that she would sometimes eat and sometimes not.

So, the other night, when I opened the back door, Meow Mi came in and brushed against my leg. I was surprised to find her there as I was told that Meow Mi actually belonged to the neighbour's maid. But Meow Mi still hangs around at the backyard and at the porch. So Meow Mi came rushing in, obviously hungry. Hubby went to buy a fish. All hubby could find was a fried fish from "mamak tong". Is my first time feeding Meow Mi and was worried when she just savour a bit of the fish.

Last night, when I got back from work, I found Meow Mi at the porch. There was a chicken leg, which she perhaps got from the nearby restaurant. I gathered that Meow Mi must be really hungry to have mistaken the chicken leg for a fish. Again, she came to me and brush against my leg. And so, I went to buy, this time, pure fish meat for Meow Mi. Unlike the night before, this time round, she almost finished her food.

Today, I forgot about Meow Mi. I went out in the morning and got back home late. Then I remembered Meow Mi. I could not find her anywhere. Sigh... I know I would be guilty if Meow Mi starved to death.. but how can I feed her when I do not know where she goes....

Now I am trying to sleep.. I would probably dream about Meow Mi tonight.. cos I can't help but to wonder if she is ok...

Why Worry?

Read this in Dr. Wong's clinic in SS2. Found it funny.

There is only 2 things to worry in life. Whether you are healthy or whether you are sick. If you are healthy,then there is nothing to worry about. But if you are sick then there are 2 things to worry about. Whether you are going to get well or whether you are going to die. If you are going to get well, then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are going to die, then there are 2 things to worry about. Whether you will go to heaven or whether you are going to hell. If you are going to heaven, then you have nothing to worry about, but if you are going to hell, you will be busy shaking hands with your friends, that you will have not time to worry! So why worry??!