DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

Rose

Received this from a friend through email. Beautiful piece to share:-

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being..

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze..

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me..

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody! Can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets..'

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

'Good friends are like stars..... ....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.'

Health is wealth

There is nothing like the feeling of being healthy - especially so when you have been terribly sick for the past few days where all you do is sleep and sleep and despite all the sleep you still feel tired. And there is nothing like feeling light headed - with the stupid pain all gone. So this Saturday afternoon really is most pleasant when most of the virus, pain are washed away. Thank GOD! Please stay that way.

Beautiful poem

Received this via email. Beautiful piece indeed.

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT!!

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car mechanic.

Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!

Old and weary

I was at McD, almost finishing the last few bites of my chicken when an old lady entered the restaurant. She moved to the first table nearest to the door, trying to sell something. I was at the second table. She move to my table after being refused by the first. She push her product towards me. I did not have a chance to look at what it was. I dare not ask how much it was. I gathered that it would be too expensive. I politely turn her down.

After which, I totally lose my appetite. Yea.. I am that sort of a person. I lose my appetite for I felt terribly sorry for the old lady. Each time I see an old person begging or working hard, I would immediately feel upset. Ever seen an old lady, all bent and carrying a heavy load on her shoulders? That scene breaks my heart. So if I am a billionaire, I would give shelter to these old man and woman - for now - I can only pray that they find their own comfort in whichever way they can.

Too late....

Sometimes you are so into your life, so into yourself and you think that everything is all about you. When things does not go your way, you blame everything else but yourself. Sometimes when things does not happen your way, no matter how hard you tried, perhaps it is a sign that you should just give in. I said give in - not give up! So do not be mistaken.

It takes the death of a person to make another realised that life is short and for that, there is really no time to make more enemies. So I accepted the apology. Infact, I wasn't expecting any apology despite being accused of something that I did not do. Is not a big deal. I can let it pass.

However, I was dejected last week. Especially so when I can't help feeling that I was being discriminated. Contribution were left unnoticed and not being acknowledged. Well, it is not that I want credits but when everyone else is being acknowledged except yourself, you can't help but to wonder why. Especially so when everyone else were there just because they hold a certain position - which does not necessarily means they contribute anything. But well, like I say I was dejected and so I tell myself that enough is enough. Is time to prioritise. Is time to move forward. And to do so, you need to let go of certain things. For once today, I made a decision to be elsewhere instead of being at the meet-up - where I know that if I were there - I would be taken for granted again. So no more! No more from me. Is too late to make amends...

George O'Malley

I have been watching the series Grey's Anatomy since its 1st season. So you kinda get involved with the character and one of them dies after the 5th season, it makes me all sad. I was surprised of my emotions for I was practically crying my eyes out watching the death of George O'Malley.

What disturbs me is not about the fact that he died, it is the way that he died. Every season, the scene of anambulance driving in the hallway with trauma patient coming in, is a common sight. So at the 5th season, when the ambulance drove in a disfigured man, who was hit by a bus while trying to save a girl, it was just a common scene. None of them know it was actually George. So imagine how shocking it is when eventually Meredith found out that it was George.... my.. that shocks me as well.

Sigh.. I know that George would eventually leave the show and I have read the synopsis that he will die but I did not know that he will die this way. So it was really really shocking and sad. When you watch a movie and especially a series where you have followed the character for so long, you kinda get "emotional" about the character. So.. I am still feeling sad about all this. Yea.. is just a movie, I tell myself... Anyway, George, goodbye and I am going to miss you!

Conversation with doc

Doc: What's wrong with you?
Me: Insomnia doc. I can't sleep last night. Now I got dizzy spell.
Doc: Why? You got a lot of stress ar?
Me: I don't know. (Do I?) Can I have some sleeping pills? I get this insomnia spell every now and then doc.
Doc: Sleeping pill? Why? You want to kill yourself ar?
Me: Of course not!
Doc: Ok. I give you only 5 tablets. Promise me you do not kill yourself.
Me: Don't be silly doc! I won't.
Doc: But if you do and if you are dead, make sure you come back and see me and give me 4D!
Me: ??????

What now?

My blog. My remedy. Have been away for so long. I forgot why I wrote my last entry. A disturbing entry. And now, is 4.40am and I could not sleep. What do I do? Tossing and turning is no use. I just have to pen down my emotions. Few more hours to work. I am not sure if I can make it for work.

The fan in the room is spinning. Everything else in the room is silent. This is the kind of peace that I need. Silent. Unfeeling. Still.

Arggh...

Ah! Sometimes I just want to be a nobody. The weight of life, the cycle that I go through, sometimes I wonder where it leads. I just want to hide in a place, far away.. from everybody else. I just want to hide in a place where I am a total stranger to everyone. Is just so tiring. I just want to rest. Leave me alone!

San Diego - About the Place

4 hours flight to Hong Kong, 12 hours to LA and 45 minutes later, I was in San Diego. A beautiful place. Is my first time to the States and yes I was excited. Other than the dreaded long journey, it was a desired destination.

What surprised me most about San Diego was the people. They are extremely polite and friendly. I have heard of people saying that Americans are rude but it is hardly the case in San Diego. Everywhere I go, there are people who smiles and greets you. Even when you enter a simple convenience store, the workers greet you with "How are you". And as soon as you leave, they bid you a good day.

The roads are wide and clean and everyone abides to traffic rules. Police are on regular patrols and you will often hear police sirens. I was in this place call Downtown. At night the streets came to life with pubs and live bands. The ambience is most soothing which is unlike the jam packed scene you normally would see in our discos and pubs. It is a must to produce your identity card before entering the pub. Infact it is a must for you to produce your identity card whenever you use your credit cards to make purchase.

It is surprising to know that things are quite cheap here. You can have a fairly good meal with just $4 dollars. Branded stuffs are cheap, for example a Levi's 501 is sold at only $39.90 to $49.90. If you really look at dollar to dollar comparison, it is really cheap. For the Levi's jeans, even after conversion, it is still cheaper in the States. In the supermarkets you can get a Van Heusen shirt at just only $16.90 and it comes with a tie! But what I like most is the layout and setup of the whole town where the roads are wide, peaceful traffic and the buildings are quite scattered. Even in the city, it is peaceful. Despite the tall buildings being built in the city the development is such that it does not seem congested.

During my visit, I have had the opportunity to visit 2 prominent shopping area - Fashion Valley and Mission Valley. Fashion Valley is about 30 minutes drive from Downtown. As you travel towards Fashion Valley, you will notice more housing developments. Fashion Valley caters more for the high end market, thus the whole set up has the rich and classy feel. During this time of the year, the mall is already decorated with Christmas decor. Just like the movies, you can see little kids sitting on Santa's lap taking photos and yes the bogus Santa really look like Santa - he is all old with wrinkles and has the most gentle eyes. Makes me want to sit on his lap!

In Mission Valley, it caters more for the medium market. A lot of youngsters are seen hanging out in Mission Valley as there is a cinema in the locale. Here there is an amazing shop that sells Rock T-shirts with classic Rock groups such as Nirvana, Metallica, Sepultura etc. The shop also sell shirts that carries movies titles. It is a great affordable place to shop.

All in all, San Diego is really the place to be. I really do not mind staying there for a long time. :)

Gurney Hotel

I am back in Penang. This time in Penang is like a holiday - well it feels like a holiday even though I am back here this time for work. Reason being is that I am staying in a hotel and not at my parents home - so it feels like a holiday. Of course it lacks my mom's home cooked food and the warm feel of family.

Gurney Hotel is not a new hotel but is comfortable and surprisingly spacious. What I was impress with was the courtesy call that they made to ask if the room was ok. As one of the aircon unit was not working in the room, they promised to send the maintenance guy to check.

I was out of the room before they reached and when I got back, I found the room with the air-cond repaired and switched on. Soon after, there was a message left in the room to inform that they have had the aircond repaired.

Well, the service that was rendered was impressive. I guess it does make up for the rather old carpet and curtains. Anyway, no complains.. is still comfortable here.

Emm...

What can I say, my 11-year old niece now has an account with facebook. In my situation where I live more than 300 km away from my one and only niece, fb is a consolation - since at least I have a share of knowing her grown up moments, her likes and dislikes, the games she plays and most important is keeping the contacts and communication intact. Of course it is not the same as being there physically during her growing up years - I miss that terribly and realised how much different it is now. But well.. at least something is better than nothing. I guess it will be before long she start blogging?

And when my nephew do start facebook - I will know that I am getting older..emm...

McD

I just ordered McD delivery for dinner at the office. The order took 45 minutes even though the nearest McD outlet is just across the road. The fries came in all soggy and my chicken all cold.

McD is not what it used to be. Those days, my friends used to work at McD part time while waiting for their exam results. The mentioning of working in McD is just glamourous as it was not easy to get in. The skills that you need to have to join them would include good communication skills and pleasant personality. Nowadays, the standard of staffs employment is no longer the same. The standard has definately dropped significantly.

McD used to have this fastest service where any serving that takes more than 60 seconds will be compensated by maybe free fries or something. Nowadays, you queue up and after taking the order, they asked you to stand aside while your orders are packed. While you are still waiting for your order, the cashier takes the next order and the guy standing behind you is now next to you. Your order gets mixed up sometimes as the cashier is faster than the packer and while all this happen, the queue went all messy.

Just the other day, we made a drive through order and the order was more than a hundred ringgit. My friend politely asked for a free chocolate sundae since we have placed a big order. The girl ignored our request and after countless time asking by my persistent friend, the girl responded that they only give if we have the McD car sticker. After all the packing, she finally gave us a free sundae, without smiling nor saying anything - she has this high mighty look as if she has done us a GREAT favour by giving us the ice-cream.

I believe if another Mc-something were to come up and are able to serve good fries and just provide the tiny weeny bit better service than McD, I will be the first to switch. But then again, perhaps is better to just stop eating McD?

Mental Ordeal

I especially love Friday nights. Is the start of a weekend - which means - no work! This Friday night feels liberating especially when the weight of responsibility I have been carrying the whole of the day were suddenly being lifted off.

Imagine being asked to do something that you dread doing - that you basically have fear of and you are not sure if you are able to execute it. So as soon as you heard the news, you suddenly feel like you are carrying a one tonne weight - not only does the heavy feeling weigh on you physically, it does emotionally as well. So you started to think and pray that something will turn up and that you may not have to do it and then at the same time, you tell yourself "heck" let us get this over and done with.

So you are faced with the task and as the time approaches where you have to face the challenge, the many mental notes that you put in your mind were cut off by a sudden unexpected question. You fumbled and just do not know what to say... at that moment. The answers somehow came much later - after you have blurted some senseless answer. Ah well... it finally just passes and that is the end of your mental ordeal.

Spooked

The weirdest thing just happened just now. For about a year plus, hubby's PDA went missing for no reason. We were staying at the same house then except that we were renting the back room. We searched everywhere for the PDA but it could not be found. This missing incident happened just after my camera also "mysteriously" went missing.

So we put it behind us as the search were futile. We then shifted to the front room of the house as our main tenant moved out. So we have been staying at this front room for a about a year now. Just about just now, hubby was lamenting about not having a place to put his magazine. I suggested him to put it above our pile of files which I arranged in standing order. These files were orderly arranged in a shelving cabinet. I suggested that he slot his magazine above the files and bent down to show him the place. Just then, I noticed a familiar thing. It was hubby's PDA! Is a shock! How can the PDA suddenly appear out of nowhere? I am spooked! We have basically emptied the shelf when we moved from the back room to the front room. We have been assessing these files and there is no way that the PDA could be just lying on top of it without us noticing it. Is the weirdest thing to happen.

So I was browsing through the PDA and in the notepad section, I saw 3 drawings which I am very sure was not drawn by me or hubby. First one looks like a ring or maybe a watch. The other 2 I cannot make it out. Is so odd... so so odd.... Now I am waiting for my missing camera to re-surface.. possible? Damn! I will be spooked!

Mooncake?

Today is lantern festival. Many will go back to their families to have dinner and to celebrate the occasion. I really do not know the significance of it. Tonight, is just dinner with hubby.

I am sitting here alone now in my room, writing my blog. At this same very moment, I am sure there are families having celebration, lighting up their gardens with lantern. Some families celebrate by having bbq with friends and families. Kids running around and carrying lantern while singing the lantern song (I wonder if the kids nowadays still do that?) Somewhere out there, there will be couples sitting on bench watching the moon together or there may be this guy choosing to pop the question on this auspicious night.

While all this is going on, I am sure there are also instances where the singles will be home alone and wishing that they have someone, there will be the married guy who instead wished that he is single and out there partying, there will be couples going through break-ups and there will be this guy cheating on her girl or this girl two-timing her guy. Many people out there, doing many different things, heck there may be someone out there just like me, sitting in the comfort of the room, writing about other people!

What's my point really? Well.. life goes on and while you think sometimes that you have it bad, others have had worse and while life is good for you... be happy that there are others who has it as well.

Blissful communion

September - a month of celebration. First I witnessed the communion of two good friends which also falls on the same day as my neice's birthday. It is indeed an honour and privilege to be asked as a witness especially so when it is the most important day of their life. While in the registration room, it brought back memories of my own registration 5 years ago. I have been there after that as a photographer but this time round hubby and me were seated down in the witness seat. As I was signing the certificate, my hand actually trembled.

5 years ago, the registration process was slightly different. I remembered being called to repeat some words but this time round, the registration process takes less than 5 minutes with the person reading the oath and the couple agreeing to it simply by saying "I do".

My registration will always be a funny event - imagine being asked whether we would take each other to be the lawful wedded couple in - BAHASA MALAYSIA! Imagine saying "I do" with "ya!" only to be corrected that we should instead say "Setuju". Well, we actually giggled so hard throughout the ceremony as the lady reading the oath read it so fast that we do not know what she was babbling about - and especially when it sounded as if we are undergoing some military camp. This time round, I make it a point to tell my friends to specifically ask for the right language before entering.

Just yesterday, we got home real late after a wedding event in Nilai. We woke up as early as 5.30am. We were hired as the official photographer. It is a beautiful wedding, beautiful couple. I find it most fullfilling as when I captured these moments, it occurs to me that it is actually the most beautiful moment in not only the couple's life but the entire family itself. So my job is not just to be a photographer but actually to be the eyes of many special moments to keep.

To my friends - for the blissful communion - wishing you many many happy moments, wishing you the patience to see through each other's fault and the ability to accept each other the way that you are.

Seniors

I was having my dinner the other day and I noticed this old man at the restaurant, cleaning tables and picking up the dishes. I lost my appetite there and then. The thing about me is that I got a soft spot for old people and especially the really old ones who walks with a bent and with heavy wrinkles on their faces. I felt that old people should not be put into this situation where they need to do heavy chores. My heart sank each time I witnessed such scene.

I am being reminded of the scene in Section 17 where one particular old lady mends a stall on her own. The sight of her hunched body and her state of difficulty is an image I remembered each time I go there. So I am never really keen on going there to eat, simply because it saddens me greatly to be seeing her struggling in keeping her stall in order. Unlike other stalls who have frequent orders, business is usually slow on her side.

Well, that is just me - a weakness I would say for I would always end up buying items that I do not need, or giving away money to old beggers. There is only this little that I could do - I wish I could have done more.

Choices in life

It is as if I am watching a movie. Except that this time, it is not a movie. It is real life experience. Just when you thought that you have had your life finally paved out, a sudden turn of events hits you right in your face and you just have to re-shape your course of life again.

You do not want to be caught in a situation where you have to make a choice and especially when the choices laid in front of you seems to be a losing end either way. What would you do? I was asked this question - "what would you have done if you were me". Well, I can only imagine being in the situation but I cannot feel for sure how the situation is like - since physically and emotional - I am not in the situation. So it is not right to tell what I would do for sure.

I can only say that there is no right choice nor wrong choice. It is just a choice that one has to make - you gotta do what you gotta do. In a situation like this, you have to think of yourself sometimes, what makes you happy. To me, the most important thing in life is to be happy. And happiness is the choice of your mind. It may be most difficult to comprehend when you are in a state of depression - that you can actually determine your own happiness just by changing the way you think.

It is easier said than done. I, for sure knows that it takes a great strength to pick yourself up after a great fall, but I do know that if you can raise above all life's adversity, you will be the one who can one day proudly says that you have live life to the fullest!